What starts off as a stagnant attempt at creating something beautiful will always end up becoming beautiful as long as it's been showered with care and affection. That's just how all things are.
Whatever I've made so far has been a task only I could carry out. I'd love to explain my why to you but not everyone has that competence to believe. So why bother?
Your job is to create. Man's meaning and his redemption lies within his desires. Weaponize it, abuse it, reject it, sully it or worship it, it will shape who you are. So I suggest that you create, understand your self and understand your desires, maybe even more but do so.
Manifest that desire and ruminate on your lack of faith and only then will you create something so true that people will know you for it. Its not your job to explain yourself or your selections, As I said:
"I'd love to explain my why to you but not everyone has that competence to believe"
So why bother?
Roald Dahl; one of the best children's story tellers and personally one of my favorite authors once shared how he dealt with his scattered thoughts. He'd always had a pen and paper ready back at his little writing shed. But he'd note down any idea he got regardless of where he was at the moment and regardless of whether he'd have a pen and paper with him. He'd write using lipstick if needed, or even off the dust of his car's windshield.
Good ideas don't get forced out. They pop out randomly and disappear without a trace. Nothing quite honestly could be more frustrating than a fleeting idea. So be mindful of that!